How do you speak to yourself?

How do you speak to yourself?

Recently I was running around in the morning, trying to do paperwork before leaving for work, unable to find my keys and my mood deteriorated.  I noticed that I was berating myself.. "oh for gods sake", "you are stupid", "you are useless".  These angry and frustrated words were going round my head.  When I opened the washing machine to find a dark wash covered in tiny bits of tissue, once again I caught myself “oh you idiot, why didn’t you check the pockets?”.  Why was I talking to myself like this? As soon as I noticed what I was doing, it reminded me of many sessions with clients where it is clear that they have an unkind voice in their heads.  I often notice with clients how they speak to themselves. They are often unaware that they are even doing it. Clients sometimes say things like “it’s pathetic but....” or “I know it’s stupid but...”. We talk to ourselves (in our heads...
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Couples counselling- what to expect

Couples Counselling is a part of my job that I have really learned to love. My background in family law meant that I spent 20 years working with clients who were involved in family and relationship breakdowns. These were clients who were in pain, were angry, and often frightened. I would act for one party in the breakdown and it often felt like we were involved in a war. For this reason, once I qualified as a counsellor I remember saying that I could never imagine working with couples. How could I be impartial when I was so used to taking sides?   However, I learned that when the focus is on trying to find a way forward,  I can be neutral and look at the difficulties from outside rather than become involved in the war. I decided to do some additional training as I quickly came to realise that relationships were at the root of what brought most people to individual counselling...
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Can talking really help?

You have probably heard lots of people saying "talking helps".  You may already have experienced times when something is troubling you and it has really helped to talk to friends or family about it.  So why choose counselling rather than just talking to your family or friends? Often those around us are involved in whatever is causing difficulty in some way.  They will undoubtedly have an opinion about it or may try to "fix" things for you.  We all know what it feels like if a loved one is struggling and we have an urge to try to fix the problem for them. Whatever is troubling you may sometimes be difficult to voice.  We are often too afraid to say what we are thinking for fear of rejection, judgement or causing upset to someone else.  Sometimes we just struggle to find the words to explain. The idea of talking to a stranger about personal issues can obviously be daunting and it is understandable that...
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Fear of Change

Fear of Change

As I have a new website and am a bit of a technophobe, this has given rise to all sorts of worries and discomfort. I knew how the old website worked. I had got used to it. It didn't make me feel anxious. This has made me think about how many of us are uncomfortable with change. I often hear clients say "I don't do change". I can empathise with this but in my usual way I am forcing myself to face the fear, whilst also anticipating that I may end up deleting my whole website! Change happens all the time. It is part of our every day lives and it cannot be avoided. Fear of change can mean that we try to avoid it, leading to us remaining stuck in situations which make us unhappy. Many of us end up in jobs or relationships which make us feel unhappy and there is certainly something about familiarity which makes us feel safe....
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