Like Christmas and other celebration days, it is impossible not to notice that Mother’s Day is approaching. There are constant reminders in shops, online and on TV. I’ve been bombarded with emails and adverts with various suggestions of what might be the “perfect Mother’s Day gift”.
I am noticing in my therapy room that this approaching “celebration” is causing upset and anxiety for many. I’ve heard more than one client say that they are “dreading” it and it seems that there is a huge amount of pressure being felt by many.
Mother’s Day can of course be a lovely day for many people. It can be a celebration or a chance for family to come together. It is often portrayed as an opportunity for us to thank mums for all they have done/do for us. I think however it is important to remember that not all families are the same. My thoughts are with those who find the day difficult. It may be that you have lost their mum or are desperately trying, without success, to have your own family. Mother’s Day can highlight these losses. For those that do have a mum, that relationship might not be what you want it to be. For some, the reminders of the ideal or perfect mother and child relationship can be really painful if the reality is very different. This is also a loss, a loss of the relationship you wish you had or could have. If your relationship is difficult, the day can be painful for you and maybe also for your mum. If you have a shared parenting arrangement, you may be facing the prospect of not seeing your children on Sunday. There may also be a conflict about how you feel if you are both a mother and a child.
As with Christmas, it is important to remember that it is just one day. If you want, it can just be another Sunday. If possible try not to compare and find yourself lacking and if the day is likely to be difficult for you, maybe you could plan some extra self care.
If you are struggling with difficult feelings about Mother’s Day, it may be that Counselling could help. Please know that you are not alone in your struggles despite what the adverts can lead us to believe.